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Harvest of Collective Alchemy Practice Circles—20 November 2020

Choluteca bridge

AS THE DUST STARTS TO SETTLE ON A CHANGING LANDSCAPE, BOTH INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL,
WHERE DO I STAND IN RELATION TO THE INNER LIGHT OF WHAT I DEEPLY DESIRE?
WHAT WILL IT CALL FORTH FROM ME TO ACTIVELY CHOOSE WHAT I TRULY WANT?
WHAT SEEDS MUST I CULTIVATE IN ORDER TO LIVE IN MY CHOICE?

See also the Event invitation for more framing of this calling question:

Orientation:

Still feeling the aftermath of the Blasted Oak, the benevolent energy of the Pole Star has now started to guide us in this journey through the Era Shift, as we sense our way forward. We are arriving at the edge of a forest – what do we do? Do we dare enter, do we seek a way around, or do we turn back? Your co-sensing team has had to face some questions and some questioning. We have been in waves of powerful energy – something is happening, and we’re not there yet.

The Pole Star reminds us that we live in a Kosmos that is interconnected and interpenetrating at every level. We are reminded, too that our very bodies are composed of stardust, and that we have immense creative power should we choose to embody it. We are invited to bring our full power—of sensing, feeling and expression—into this circle. Without intensity, there can be no alchemy.

As we enter the silence on the threshold of our sharing, we hold this constellation of questions as attractors for our attention – not as demanders of answers.

AS THE DUST STARTS TO SETTLE ON A CHANGING LANDSCAPE, BOTH INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL,
WHERE DO I STAND IN RELATION TO THE INNER LIGHT OF WHAT I DEEPLY DESIRE?
WHAT WILL IT CALL FORTH FROM ME TO ACTIVELY CHOOSE WHAT I TRULY WANT?
WHAT SEEDS MUST I CULTIVATE IN ORDER TO LIVE IN MY CHOICE?

First circle

Pain, discomfort, unease.
The seeds I must cultivate in order to live in my choice.
Painful decisions and actions, uneasy moments.
Deviating from what used to be normal.
I was struggling with the question before the call.
I carry a painful message I must share with someone
to be authentic. I have been postponing it for months,
but it will not leave me. I will have to say that
things are not all right as they are as this moment.

In the silence, I traveled inside an egg – or so it felt:
a round place, in foetal position, in a dim light.
I entered the silence seeking that light.
It’s not been that bright lately:
where are you, light?
It’s there, but it’s time to be dim,
to be inside that cocoon.
What do I truly want? It’s not about doing.
Regardless of what you do, the choice is already there.
Something is simmering, taking shape.
I cannot force that.
The choice has been made, but it’s not yet time
for it to show itself on the surface.
Sand.
The dust is trying to settle on constantly shifting sands.
I found settlement in that movement.
An integrating of irreconcilable elements.

Music called.
What arises when I shuffle my music?
Madonna’s Ray of Light! I danced.
Followed my bliss—I was dancing with you, in this space.
Hearing the title of the song,
I laughed out loud.
“Quicker than a ray of light,
I just got home!”
There’s a message in the lyrics.
What landed in me was a surprise.
Moving energy in different ways,
listening to the vibrational fields —
the multidimensional beingness of us all
is really being called in.
Co-sensing brought in dreams:
asking for guidance can bring surprises,
but this opened something beautiful, joyful,
that allows me to hold in new ways
what’s coming through me and through us.

Internal choreography.
Jumping, dancing, alone and with you,
hidden but fully alive.
Giving myself completely to the movement.
The beauty in dance – complete surrender and presence—
I feel the heat rising in me
with the power of the both/and,
constantly shifting, moving, changing, swirling.
Restarting the 5 Tibetans as a daily practice:
it calls for whirling in 21 cycles—
I could go on forever!
The answers lie in the questions themselves.
Actively cultivating my choice,
I stand in and with my inner light.
Allowing myself to be moved and to move;
Allowing myself to be seen and to see;
to be heard and to hear;
to be present and to presence,
I presence the precious and all that it’s made of.

My deepest desire, perhaps,
is to drop this body and be reunited
with my beloved Golden One,
who abides Out There in the Multiverse,
not needing to wait for me.
My deepest desire, also,
is to be exactly where I am,
exactly as I am.
No striving, just constantly
welling up from Source.
To choose this, I must
accept to ignore all the ‘shoulds’
that I carry inside, and that
I encounter along the way.
The seed I cultivate is my momentary awareness
that I AM.

Trying to wake up this morning.
The courage it can take to open my eyes
when it’s still dark outside.
To awaken before the world around me
has fully woken up.
How easy to keep my eyes closed, when the world is still dark.
It takes an active choice to decide
to wake up when all else sleeps.
I’ve always felt that opening my eyes will chase away my dreams.
Dreams can be challenging,
but sometimes I don’t want to lose them.
We all know that moment when we open our eyes and the dream is gone.
But in the second before I open my eyes, there is another active choice:
to bring my dreams into the light.
These two choices made, there’s no need to stay asleep.
It’s bright and fresh to wake up.
My dreams come through in order to come true.
There’s no need to stay in darkness, no reason not to wake up.
It takes courage, and the greatest part is to make those small active choices.
They are my guidance.
This all happened to music in my head!

Burning arrow

What will it call from me?
Persistence to connect to my own courage.
There’s something contradicting inside, but that is the essence.
It’s not about support from behind and around me,
but being able to keep connecting to my own courage.
Like an arrow that has burned,
Losing my ashes
flakes twirling down
leaving behind what was burnt off.
Moving, streaming, floating on
with what is
now more clearly,
fragile and strong.

These questions bring me to tears.
How is it that they are exactly what I have been feeling?
The blasted-oak energy came from an unsuspected direction for me.
I went into child-child-child’s pose,
Loving and nurturing myself in my cocoon.
I have neglected my inner child.
Yin yoga nurtures me,
I can give it to myself at any time.
Going into yin, actively,
it takes diligence.
The pendulum is with me again:
the ever-flowing shift between light and dark.
I can still sway while I stand.
I discharge myself of the obligation to take a fixed stand,
in the shifting sand,
in the beautiful universe in which we stand
in relationship to all that is.
The seeing and being seen,
being OK with being both fragile and powerful,
small and large,
all at once.

I was in the dark woods,
not as a person.
A feeling of anger: I can’t see anything.
Sick of all that I would see, if I could see.
In the name of creation, we have destroyed so much.
I am sick of opening my eyes to see that.
SHIFT
to the opposite.
Not joy or happiness
WAKE UP-shaking out.
Intense.
Back to myself. In my body.
Why should it be a shocking experience
when somebody dies?
What if it’s not the shock of death,
but our failure to live around mortality?
See where it has brought us…
Now I can see.
So what’s the desire?
The courage and the capacity to live with my own mortality.
How do I accompany life, knowing that death is right here, close, every day?
I want to shake out of this, too!

Where do I stand?
I look back at our cultural heritage of
war, with self, earth, each other.
Embodying the metaphor of war.
The seeds I want to water do not belong within
the sharp edges of the triangle of victim, rescuer, perpetrator—
where it’s all about someone knowing the answer,
that keeps the system alive.
I want to water the seeds of what
is alive in me, without blaming.
Living in the circle of life.

I’m breathing so shallowly,
as if there’s adrenaline pumping.
Ominous, portentous, this day.
I’ve seen this Pole Star card before:
I can’t ignore
this bookend, returning.
For these powerful questions to come today,
hooked onto that card:
the burrowing human, in the gnarly woods,
aware? Unaware? Of the star that shines above
whether seen or not.
This is not a normal portal day for me.
Drama triangles, mortality, centigenarian grandparents,
new-born babies.
Amidst traffic updates.
I feel enraged that the conditions don’t allow
my 100 year old grandmother to be with my one-week old cousin.
At the moment the bell rang in the silence
I ran from the room and jumped into my car.
I couldn’t sit still. Present but in motion.
I could have danced, but instead, I drove away.
Facing choice overwhelms me.
To make a choice to do one thing is to exclude another.
Collapsing possibilities.
I’m conscious of a hurtful part of me
that struggles with agency.
Imagining the world as something that plays at me,
and I have no agency moving forward.
Like an excuse for finding those decisions hard.
I have that sense of time, age, mortality,
inability to sit still—adventuring the field—
while confronting what this portal day means.
Perhaps that loss of focus as we moved into silence
is part of moving through.
Things can always continue, if we continue to keep going.

Rewind of the tumultuous past weeks:
fear, anxiety, exhaustion.
Old fears about decisions I have taken to change my life.
Today I receive 100s of kilos of clay,
cementing me on my new path.
My choice is made:
I surrender.
“I design energy with clay”
Grounding.
Sand.
Arenas is the name of my maternal grandmother,
my name as an artist.
The immensity of sand:
the smallest particles;
the immensity between the particles.

Second circle

Going first, I am less tempted to back off from my truth.
Not so pretty, kinda ugly.
Been on walkabout these past weeks.
It’s good to see you all—I felt better for seeing you.
The ease of sitting on a mountain,
the difficulty of deciding how to live.
Embody what I know,
letting go of the need to know
before I leap.
The universe takes our requests quite literally:
I’m getting my ass kicked!
All the ugliness showing up in the outer world:
My home town is such a wonderful place to live—for white people.
I no longer know how to be.
Constant upheaval.
How do I know what I desire?
I am standing on constantly shifting sands,
soul-sick from this eternal motion.
Not rooted, always in relation to what is happening.
The sensations I have been unwilling to acknowledge.
Disconnect and lack of connection are a blessing and a burden,
to a confirmed introvert.
In breathwork, I would be visited by a huge African elephant,
inviting me to cross the river.
I remember my fear at this prospect.
What I need is moral courage, in response to all that is coming apart
in my body. I must risk, in being heard, in becoming visible,
in being willing to be wrong, to search for the questions,
to be willing to lose relationships, jobs and things.
The thing I desire the most is to be in alignment
with what is the truth of the moment,
no matter the outcome.
The terror of that is terrible.
I see my default patterns,
I see the connection between the personal and that societal,
the transformation trying to happen.
I wish to know the peace that passeth all understanding,
to know the calm beneath the storm,
to live from that place as a knowing in every cell of my body.

I am moved, feeling much of the same in me.
The layers of these questions:
the dust isn’t really settling…
cosmic dust: we are its embodied presence.
The image of the splitting worlds.
I and we hold this cosmic love, possibility, potential.
That part of the world is splitting away from the old world
where the dust is churning and roiling.
How can I release, not get caught up in that
when it’s here all the time?
To know that something else is here,
and that I’m part of that.
I have begun to see—magic is at work—
ability to see that something that ignites the sparks in the circle,
on fire with excitement, love, mutual support
in a shared project.
These opportunities are part of the new world.
I need to take the next step
whatever that is.
Not to wait.
I have developed the skill to be with the unknown,
to sit with it.
Maybe I need to take one more step.
Experiment, iterate, in small ways.
Life is inspiring for me, these days,
despite the daily churning of the old world,
which feels harmful.
Those are the old patterns that are leaving,
I can help make it happen by making the leap
to the new world, and letting the old one fall away.

I am always fascinated
how much the conversations resonate with
what I’m experiencing in my own life.
Last time I couldn’t join,
I was being struck by lightning and falling from the tree.
Last weekend I spent nights in the woods,
walking under the starry night sky.
I experienced my biggest fear:
What if all the stars disappeared?
What if the Earth and we were separate?
What if that story of separation was actually true?
A deep, dark, scary experience.
I don’t know if that is possible,
but I do know that I wish to make all my steps and my breaths
from the space of connection.
I don’t have to do much to do that;
I already am part of life,
I carry the seed of life within my soul,
even when I forget that it’s there.
This is what I truly want: this deeper sense of connection, care, love, knowing, peace!
No struggle to achieve, produce,
just BE, and allow the light to shine and guide me.
All I have to do is let go of my assumptions, expectations, plans, desires, wishes..
empty myself.
That baggage creates tension, pushes me away from the path of my soul.
I don’t want to plant any more seeds, I just want to expand
the container of my heart
and allow life to be, to exist through me.
Support and cultivate only what makes life thrive.
Returning from the forest,
I knew such peace of mind
that I now carry with me in my daily life.
It’s been such bliss!
This peace is the only seed I wish to cultivate.
In a billion years from now,
I can return to where I came from,
to become another star.
To start the cycle anew.

Through the cracks

I flowed with an image
that carried me through our silence.
A parched ground with cracks,
a storm cloud about to release a heavy potential.
Where I stand: Container. Channel.
Being a bowl to catch the water,
then the bowl became my hands:
the water seeps through my fingers.
I contain it while I let it go.
It flows through the cracks,
to soften the ground in a gentle, tender way.
The parched ground that hasn’t always been parched:
there is a homecoming to receiving the welcome water.
Whatever comes through the cracks,
when I break down the crust that has kept me dried out,
there’s heat. It’s churning beneath the cold dry surface.
It’s red, it’s moving, it’s scary.
I’ve always wanted to ice down, place a wall
between what I can see and the roiling currant underneath
that scares me so.
I want to start creating a container to move through the cracks
into that place.
I need to follow the path of the cracks.
What I want to cultivate right now is less of a leap,
more of a soft trickling into the cracks.
I don’t know where I’m going, but I trust the softness
of how it’s moving.

Bridging from the cracks.
I was drawn to a poem I wrote in 2011:
Cracked Open*.

The nerve vibrates,
Struck like a spider thread
Spun throughout time.

The soul echoes,
Responding to the touch,
Hidden, yet revealing.

Distant clouds billow storms
Balancing the edge
Of night-time and day.

Tumultuous downpour,
Lightening strikes sun-soaked Earth
Cracked open in dissolution.

~

The ground shakes
Struck by the giants of old
Turning in their beds.

The Earth echoes
Trembling to the touch,
Fearful, yet believing.

Distant memories quiver,
Consciousness balancing the edge
Of night-time and day.

Tumultuous tremors
Crashing across sun-soaked Earth
Cracked open in transformation.

~

The heart breaks
Struck by life’s universal,
Limitless love.

The breath echoes,
Gasping to the touch,
Holding, yet surrendering.

Distant beings assemble,
Nurturance balancing the edge
Of night-time and day.

Tumultuous tending
Races across sun-soaked Earth
Cracked open in brilliance.

~

The structures quake,
Struck by the knowing
That destiny is here.

The spirit rises,
Breathtaking to the touch,
Prayerful, yet revering.

Parallel light-lines crescendo,
Insight balancing the edge
Of night-time and day.

Tumultuous timing awakening,
Sun-soaked Earth cracked,
Opening to home.
.
The feeling in my body in the silence,
as if something was inside me,
seeking to push out, like a butterfly leaving its chrysalis.
Very uncomfortable!

Now this question has settled in its power,
ever deeper with our sharing.
The living Earth is still changing its own alignment.
My body is sensing that.
How to orient to that?
Whatever is in my own organism that no longer serves the larger purpose,
I wish to give it to the cracks in the earth,
for the tectonic plates to grind it,
to fall into the Earth’s central fires.
My inner light is a desire to be aligned with reality,
with what is really real.
I’m ready to let go of whatever is not real.
Now it’s time to cultivate my inner world.
The seeds are already within me,
it’s just a matter of turning my focus inward.
I was reminded of a dream:
awoken from the ache of the eagle’s wings.
I want to dust off my wings,
and oil my muscles so I can fly,
high to observe the living Earth as it continues to change its alignment.

I resist the questions
until I dive in.
Sometimes it’s an earthquake,
sometimes its slow erosion, but it’s moving.
I don’t want to let go of my outrage, energy, passion,
but how do they connect to my desires?
It helps me to see that they are not connected,
and I can’t go much longer without connecting them:
It’s tearing me apart.

I’m in perpetual motion,
in lockdown!
Moving forward.
Wandering isn’t aimless roaming,
it’s purposeful searching, exploring.
I don’t know what I’m looking for,
or what I will find.
Expect the unexpected,
is predicated on trusting myself,
connecting my inner light.
I don’t know much about the tarot,
but the Pole Star called me into
an experience of sleeping under the stars—
my first appreciation of the power of light.
When you find the Pole Star
you know where you are.
If I could only harness that light,
and make that inner light:
that could change things for me!
There’s so much beauty and power in nature,
I feel the inner light fading sometimes:
how to keep it bright?
I can’t do that alone. It’s the energy of others
that helps me with the inner light
that let’s me know my own power and potential.
I’m looking for the answer!

Early morning, checking in with the higher forces.
The dust in me is not settled.
Is Trump stealing the election?
What to pray for?
If it’s in the cosmic good… is this meant?
To awaken us to our relationship to money, to the Earth?
I won’t be able to survive another term of Trump,
an existential crisis
but holding this prayer:
“this nation under God shall have a new birth of freedom,
that government by the people, of the people, for the people
shall not perish from the Earth.”
It shifted something in me.
My life will go into a crucible.
I will survive, I will transform.
The crucible will be what is called forth from me.

Who showed up:

Pieter De Ceuninck, Dounia Saeme, Luea Ritter, Jenny Hegland, Daniela Tablado, An van Damme, Wini Condic Begov, Hugo MacPherson, Patricia Hunt Perry, Madeleine Schwab, Molly Whiteley, Judy Wallace, Inna Chillik, Cheryl Hsu, Lynda Griebenow, Madeline Snow, Aakanksha Singh, Brigitte Kupfer, Anna Brunain, Marie-José d’Aprile, Sarah Whiteley, Helen Titchen Beeth.

 

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Invitation Page

Invitation to Practice

Our invitation to practice Collective Alchemy continues 20 November 2020

AS THE DUST STARTS TO SETTLE ON A CHANGING LANDSCAPE, BOTH INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL, WHERE DO I STAND IN RELATION TO THE INNER LIGHT OF WHAT I DEEPLY DESIRE? WHAT WILL IT CALL FORTH FROM ME TO ACTIVELY CHOOSE WHAT I TRULY WANT? WHAT SEEDS MUST I CULTIVATE IN ORDER TO LIVE IN MY CHOICE? Our 17th portal day finds us stepping out of the rent* earth of the Blasted Oak that presided over our

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