Harvest of Collective Alchemy Practice Circles—18 December 2020.



See also the Event invitation for more framing of this calling question:

Our 18th Portal Day lands at a tipping point.
Saturn-Jupiter grand conjunction at 0° Aquarius,
on the cusp of the winter solstice.
The signature energy of this Portal Wave is carried by
the Moon on Water.
May we attune to the consciousness that is being birthed !
May we give voice and new expression to a deeper understanding
of what has been hiding in plain sight!

Welcoming everything that we bring,
as we would welcome a newborn baby
with a warm blanket.
Part of what we are being called into as humanity
is a greater awareness of the complexity of reality.
It isn’t about acting on things in the way we have been used to doing,
it is simply about being able to hold more, new, often seemingly conflicting
pieces in our awareness all at the same time.
Like being able to hold both sides of a polarity
without needing one to be right or good and the other to be wrong or bad.
Noticing our own reactions to new information coming in
—holding that, too, without acting on it—
is part of the complexity.
Using the Moon on Water to support our sourcing,
we are called to look not at the card, but through its reflective light and shadows,
as we lean into the calling question together:


Early call

From the sourcing, from the collective,
The moon’s light shed into all the ancestral wisdom and knowledge
that is there for us. They left it there for us.
How much it could bring if we could embody and express it!
Tune into it.
What we have forgotten is left in the dark.
By shedding some light, we bring it into the here and now.
What has been here is our multi-leveled capacity to communicate with each other.
Through synchronicity, seeing each other, feeling each other.
Connecting in a wider space.

Hosting people new to my practices, in my mother tongue.
How compatible are such practices in other settings?
As if people needed permission to be together in a more human way.
I feel more able to be that invitation in English than in German.
What is acknowledged is more room to practice in German-speaking contexts.
To find words that land softly—others can feel abrasive.
To find words and ways to practice in my mother tongue, that feels so rocky!
And of course there is body language…

I am inspired to bring more order to my soup.
Coming out of three days of silent Zen-Christian fusion.
Inviting insight: what is the shape of my inner world?
After 2 days of turmoil in my end-of-year busyness,
It is beautiful to land here as a gift.
A reminder of the inner world:
to be also in that world, to come from there.
A combination of all my practices:
shamanic, geomantic, self-remembering, hosting—
the top discipline is the practice of being me!
That remains eternally unfinished.
These practices are merging;
my body chooses how they show up.
I am living from the elements.
There is a lot of water,
the huge universal ocean.
I am submerged. Collecting. Not coming out.
How to embrace feminine dignity?
Bring it into my living of my life.
To bring my room of inner silence with me
as I re-enter the world.
My extended self, creating an environment of respect, dignity, me-ness.
Where I can remain in my contemplative space amidst the hustle and bustle.

A tiny painted vase – lost and found: my talking piece!
When I closed my eyes, I was revisited by my childhood cat—
I used to be so afraid that this cat would leave and not return:
I learned his hiding spots. And he always came back.
Always landed on his four paws.
Now it is I who have left for so long,
only to return.
Landing on my feet—the cat knows what to do for itself.
The cat represents the ancestral knowing that knows that it’s there,
lands on its feet and keeps going.
About language: I notice how I am trying to please.
Speaking my father’s tongue, in my little girl’s voice.
How do I want to speak that language?
What is the Arab woman I want to be?
Even if I butcher all the words until I get there!
I guess I’ve been here all along. We’ve been here all along,
Caring for each other.

I too met my deceased cat in my dream.
And Ellen’s cat, too!
I have been sitting with the spirit—it’s there with me,
What is it?
There must be a new openness to this.
It’s the first time in a long time that I can have a sense of spirit,
remembering people who have passed.
Neighbourhood cats now come knocking on the door, wanting in.
A strongly-felt presence, there again in the silence.
Cats know. They trust. Dogs, too.
As a collective, we trust, so easily.
We sense that there is trust,
without ever having met in the flesh.
I think we are all old souls. It’s all coming alive.
The importance of witnessing.
With what intention do I speak “How Are You Today?”
I hold the intention that THIS
spill over into fertile but not-yet-seeded grounds.
It’s mine to do: others need this as much as I do.
Let the yolk spill over onto as-yet-less-fertile ground.
The magic is in the people. As long as we witness it, it can spill beyond
the boundaries of our circle and our practice.

Even my tea cup tells me: Trust Birth!
Synchronicity is present.
Birth and death are so ‘not there’ in our daily functioning.
It’s not part of what we pay attention to.
It’s been there all along: the life-giving power, and death.
And the threshold on both sides.
Trust birth, and trust death.
They are coming into our lives now.
About language: I can say I love you in English
more easily than I ever could in German.
I am a mother in English. In German I feel stiff.

Nature. Intuition.
We have forgotten to trust it.
How can I practice trusting it more?
My cat was lost for 5 weeks in the summer.
I knew I would find her, but nevertheless I doubted.
I no longer know how to trust my intuition.
Nature knows how to communicate.
Giving birth: as women we are made for this:
the body knows what to do.
How have we forgotten
that we know and we can?

A new experience came to me in the silence:
A cleansing.
Listening to the reading about Sourcing:
The contrast between darkness and light;
the rippling out.
This journey has been about movement—
I have a hard time staying still.
Feeling the movement in the silence:
a gravitational pull.
Closer and closer to the beautiful moon,
filling me with a peace that I hadn’t noticed,
with the light I feel I need, to hold the space,
to answer the call.
The ripples on the water.
Messages that have gotten in the way of my realising
the fullness and the beauty of that light.
Was it the power of the moon that was allowing me to discard
those negative thoughts or words
that had prevented me?
We have so many resonant stories:
That is the beauty of the collective.

What has been showing up a lot these days,
felt, and seen with those other eyes:
the immense power and the freedom of the human being—
the vocation to simply enjoy, to be in joy
at the awesomeness of creation.
To throw ourselves into the Creative Play of life
that is possible when we are fully free to express our power,
which is never ‘power over’, but always ‘power to’.
I also see—how could I not see?—the sticky, toxic layer
—the pall—of millennia upon millennia
of enslaving conditioning (who knows where it came from?),
that has meant that we experience ourselves as
small, as powerless, as not free, as defective…
so that we don’t enjoy;
we see obstacles and we complain!
We resist.
I’m using a universal “we” here, quite intentionally,
because that is what I see.
And I’m watching.
I’m watching.
If I see this, then others do to.
This is becoming more obvious, more visible.
This is my ongoing unfolding experience, day-to-day,
a very intentional sinking into that power
and that feeling of freedom and choice.
Witnessing, sensing, feeling the conditioning, the programming;
noticing how it shows up in consciousness,
where it resides, where are the edges.
It is like a language:
When we speak different languages,
we have different experiences in our bodies as we speak them.
Sometimes our Mother Tongue is the language in which we were conditioned,
while a language we learned later
is one in which we feel more free and empowered.

Telepathy was with me in the silence.
There is unsaid communication. Understanding. Sensing.
Perhaps verbal communication is changing.
Synchronicity. Knowing that others are feeling what I am feeling.
Communication with animals: my dog understands something,
is asking me to reflect deeper. She sees what I’m avoiding about myself.
Where am I not deciding from freedom and openness,
her purpose in this lifetime is to make me reflect.
As a sovereign being, what can I do
if I don’t need to please anyone else but my self?
Moving forward to co-create through my magical intentions.
Animals will be a major part of our collective evolution in coming years.

Few words. Sinking through layers and layers in the question.
The invitation from life to be in constant awe and wonder,
discovering the world anew in every breath.
If I see my pillow for the first time: who are you? What are you bringing?
What does that shift in me?
In my being, my presence, my body, my breath, my relationships?
The Pleiades – the 7 (9) sisters have been showing up.
What is entering? Why are they knocking so insistently at my door
right now?
The awe at discovering ourselves as intergalactic beings:
it brings in telepathy, with incarnate earthlings and beyond.

Much that has already been named, echoes and resonates.
What is left is the pressure, an expansion in my heart space,
calling for deep breath. Alchemy in the heart.
I felt the quality of consistent attraction at the full moon.
The egg was in the heart, opening and opening.
Cracked open.
The card that is coming next is the Sun of Life.
Perhaps that is what’s coming through in our centre.
An invitation to radiate that light
that has been forged through the liminal spaces in between,
where the half-light dwells.

Late call

Something is being given birth to.
My physical body hasn’t done this before
but I feel the pains of that labour.
I know the importance of breathing.
Breathing as individuals, breathing all together,
breathing through it, holding each others hands.
Let’s not cut the cord to soon,
Let’s eat the placenta together.

A process going through me with these questions.
There is an assumption that the new world will be very different.
These questions not only bring focus into the unknown, but also into the unseen.
Perhaps in the beginning phase of this new world:
if I move house, I pack boxes, but in the new house, I don’t unpack them.
Maybe we are fed up with the world we have created,
and would love to move into a new space and start afresh.
I feel that the process of packing up, looking at every item of the past,
cannot be avoided.
What calls for my attention: what has present-day society not wanted to see?
What is asking to be invited is to see and integrate
aspects of society which are currently left on the outskirts.
I, as poverty want to be seen, acknowledged and attended to.
Peoples. Cultures. Groups.
Before being able to let go, these want to be
seen, acknowledged and attended to.

The Moon on Water sheds light on the unowned shadow,
both individually and collective,
that needs our claiming, our ownership.
Both shadows—the dark and the light— have been projected out.
Now we must turn and own them.
It’s no longer an invitation,
it’s an imperative that we humans do this work.

The societies, institutions
—all we have created and counted on for so long—
are crumbling, even as we don’t notice,
don’t want to notice,
hoping things will go back to the way they were.
There is no longer anything I can trust.
What is the truth? Where am I meant to be?
Where can I go that’s any different?
I’ve been moved by your words.
Being in that birth canal,
always wanting to leave that shadow behind,
knowing I have to pass through.
So that what we don’t want to see is truly seen
—the lack of truth, integrity, commitment—
what’s on the other side?
I don’t think any of us can do this alone.
There’s something collectively beginning to birth
that can hold those higher frequencies
of what this planet and all its beings
can truly be.
It feels very deep, dark yet full of light!

In the depth and the dark, there is also lightness.
I found myself sinking to a very dark place
where I was held by lightness.
Once I let go to it, it was water I was in,
held in a current, suspended but moving.
In that place I was looking for what was trying to be born.
It was still very dark.
Being carried through this deep, mysterious space,
I’m realising the lesson I’m receiving is around radical patience.
Slowing down and following the current.
It’s so slow I’m barely moving.
Just being radically patient.

I see a thread running through the tapestry
you’re weaving with your words:
In the past weeks and months, people are coming forward
to discover the source of their depression, anxiety, worry, concern, helplessness, hopelessness.
For many of them, it is something we have had an experience of as humans all along.
Loss, grief, sorrow, uncertainty.
It has always been there,
but things are happening now that are bringing it to the forefront.
Not only personal loss (people, home, jobs)—the personal loss cannot be separated
from the loss of the animals, the plants, the watersheds;
our certainty, our trust in our institutions,
held together by common norms, agreements, civility.
People are free-floating in the anxiety as things exponentially shift.
The experience in their bodies – the sickness and confusion
are masking the grief and sorrow permeating their very cells.
It must be acknowledged.
Witnessing this for each other. Healing in community.
This is not for us to do by ourselves, although it is a lonely journey
we must each take for ourselves—just as the trauma of birth
brings us from water to gravity.
From connection lost to connection sought.
The moon, mysterious, feminine, beautiful,
moving from the dark place of our denial—the struggle and refusal to accept—
through the many cracks breaking through:
The grief is a portal to how we might find each other again in love;
plodding through the muck.
No mud, no lotus!

We are living for something in the future,
while all we have is now:
the preciousness of this moment.
I am called to let go of making a project out of life.
I am called to be in the preciousness of the moment.

Terminology switching: old, favourite words
now press my buttons—this is not it.
The word “potential” is one.
Standing in the clear space offered
by the reference to the preciousness of the moment,
I wish to bear witness to the fact that
what we long for is already here.
What is hiding in plain sight is the power and freedom
of the human being.
Our deepest nature, our deepest reality,
overlaid by the noxious miasma of conditioning;
the insidious voice that tells us we are flawed, weak, isolated,
that the world is cruel,
that we must shut up and obey, conform, comply.
When we look out at each other, it feels so true!
If I step out of line I will be killed!
And yet, what I see reflected in the mirror of truth
held by the knowing in my own body
is the power to live, creatively and freely,
in joy, in wonder, in curiosity and amazement
at the beauty and awesomeness that is STILL THERE
even after we have destroyed so much.
Not waiting for anything to be born;
fishing the baby out of the bathwater,
within your witnessing,
I formally dedicate my remaining breaths and heartbeats
to living that.

Curiosity and wonder.
Children as teachers.
With curiosity I can feel more empathy.
This has been helpful to me amidst the chaos and
uncertainty of the past 4 years.

My heart space, and womb space are resonating:
What have we been ignoring?
What is hidden in plain sight is our magical capacity
as sovereign beings to vibrate and create resonance.
The heart and mind are not separate:
the heart-mind is One Thing.
Walking on water — the surface of the water
is the veil of illusory separation.
When we reconnect with the capacities of the heart
and listen to the body, being in the moment,
holding the ever-expanding polarity
within our allowance (with neither opposition nor resistance),
with radical patience and responsibility for our own vibration.
What we vibrate out creates, in the moment, what’s coming towards us.
Walking into the light.
Walking on water.
The reality of the Earth coming up to meet our feet.
There is no separation.
Within that holding is the deep dark stuff,
in the holding we keep faith, we stay buoyant.
We must know and acknowledge and be with that stuff
as part of the whole.
As we reconnect with the heart-mind, the whole is lifted.
When we step forward from that place of trust and allowance
all that has been perceived and experienced as dark and toxic
can be raised.
If we seek a solution at that level, it will pull us down,
have us flailing in the sludge.
The energy of the courageous heart, stepping forward,
encompassing within it the dark places that are part of where we are,
but which can dissolve as we step forward.

I am with the energy of the last ‘patrons and donors’ call.
A deeply personal conversation.
I want to bring in something personal right now!
Shame is present.
What are our most potent practices for acknowledging and witnessing shame.
What would it take for me to put myself at the centre of a circle like that?
A lot less safe than a circle like this!!
I notice myself wondering: what if you all were my family in this moment,
How would that change how I relate to you? How I hear you?
If we are family in this space, something shifts for me.
In families, we sometimes centre a person as a way to heal a family.
And sometimes it’s the other way round.
Integration is a healing process.
What are our next practices in this space?
I want to be in those practices: they would make me tremble.
A sign of something integrating in my system.
Me as a fractal of us.
What are practices, experimentation:
what’s here in this moment in the present—the most personal specific thing
is likely to be the most resonant. A way to grow,
as I seek to grow my receptivity.
My energy is being drawn back to what we are and aren’t acknowledging:
What are we perpetuating unintentionally?
How do we step in in new ways, like we would for our family,
to care? Collectively?
Healing is relational, relational is deeply personal.
I don’t know how to do this, but:
the balance of individual and collective is so tricky…
Do we need more attention on the specificity and individuality
as a space of experimentation?

My heart is breaking out of my chest.
I chose to be here consciously today,
after hearing some news earlier.
I feel like I’m with family – even with those I’m meeting for the first time.
I see the collective connection to the personal I wish to bring.
At this time, my mother is in the centre of our collective care.
I bring her here, also.
I am drawn to elderhood in troubled times.
In the birthing process there is a leave-taking.
The loss of the mother to the child.
Grief is a way of loving.
We wouldn’t grieve over something we didn’t have
a deep-running attachment to.
We are taking leave from so much at this time;
Grief is a way of loving that which has slipped from view;
love is a way of grieving that which has not yet slipped from view.
Everything is in the death-rebirth journey of impermanence.
I’m in the possibility that this news brings.
The care that will be required. The uncertainty.
Echo it into any space; I can feel the resonance and applicability.
It’s close to home. This touches us all.
The leave-taking, the loss.
What are we moving on with?
I don’t know when my mother will leave the body.
I can feel my father in the beyond.
We all feel the uncertainty. What will this mean for us?
We’re learning how to do that collectively.
I’m heartened to see our circle grow, opening today.
Our alchemical work requires the continuous dance
between the individual and the collective.
It might be meta, or deeply personal.
My heart named that this is something to bring forward now.
How we hold steady for all the layers we must shed,
and embolden ourselves for these times.
My mother is gifting my family with something I can’t quite comprehend.
This grieving energy shows us the depth of our love for each other and for life.

Grief is love that has nowhere to go.
The places that love can go is what we sometimes cannot see.
What do you do with that love that seems to have nowhere to go?
Maybe those pathways are there, but we just aren’t seeing them.

A shift in perception and capacity:
Instead of seeing polarities in opposition to each other,
we are being called to be able to hold opposites as an integrated whole coexisting.
Birthing, dying, leaving, arriving.
I stand able to hold the both/and, as they co-exist in the holy moment of now.
There is a fullness in this precious now moment,
which holds the future and the past. It’s ALL THERE!

I recently read that
cancer patients are undermining their coping capacity
because of the larger chaos in the world outside.
And they are the only people in the world who are equipped
with a profound experience of facing the unknown,
the unwanted, the uninvited.
Many of them learn to shift and turn and move into a strong regenerative process.
Probably that’s it.
Everything is here, and yet, as long as we
absence ourselves from the fullness of here and now,
diseases like cancer will increase, because the capacity
that is generated through that disease is extremely needed
if we are to move with the tide of the times that are here.

Trying to make sense of what was happening in the silence.
Picturing myself in the card, with the moon shining down.
Exposed and vulnerable.
Not alone.
Looking for support, for the collective.
“Be aware, admit, acknowledge”
There is unravelling to do.
Some unearthing.
I feel blessed to have a family here.
Trying to find the strength in the collective to stay afloat
and feel loved and understood, even hopeful, at this time.
Wildly weird to stand in that place and feel the radiance of the moon.
We have each other, and that matters.

The vulnerability and power, the capacity to hold both at once.
Both personally and collectively.
That’s a powerful practice.


The season of light is also a season of hope. Where do your hopes lie as we turn into a new year?

Not so much a hope as a longing
for the freedom to move,
the freedom for us to be physically together.
Feeling it coming.

I hope, in those moments when I have forgotten to be aware,
to be able to make space to—always—come back.

That longing for freedom…

May our our multidimensional selves stay connected,
may our magical power be strengthened and nourished.

Hope that the solstice will bring
a magical healing of this wound
of the fear of proximity to each other.

My hope is in the hoping we all feel,
and I hope my children will be happy next year!

I hope we can trust
in the birthing and dying,
in the threads that connect us all,
in our freedom and power,
in the death of what keeps us from freedom.

My hope is that we open space for the emptying
the purifying, the resting, and the stilling;
Whilst also listening for that which is truly seeking us.
There was a saying in my 5 rhythms dance community:
If you’re not in your own dance, you’re in someone else’s way.
May we all be in our dance!

I struggle with ‘hope’: it puts me away from ‘here’.
Let us take these days to integrate and embody
all that has been spoken in this circle
over the last weeks and months.

I hope for the forming of the collective Will;
when nothing else helps, use hope!
Bringing the magic in, and bringing the magic out.
Living the magic, dancing the magic…
stepping on toes when needed!

In my uneasy relationship to hope,
I wish we can stay in the birthing process:
we don’t have time for hope.
All our attention is concentrated on the process.
There is a transition phase, just before the moment of birth,
when we want to give up.
It is the surrender that triggers the final letting go.
I hope that I give up hope!

I hope for the courage to remain in the light,
and that the power of the collective continues.

Growing capacity and courage

All that is in the shadow comes out into the light,
come what may.
That more of us are able to hold all that is surging up

Intensity of love and grief.

I’m hopeless!
I wish to be able to nurture curiosity
as the most powerful driving force.

I wish that more and more people can find the place of stillness within
and reconnect themselves with the Earth.

I commit to stay in the stream, and to be there
—without hopes and outcomes.

Hope-in-action is love, faith, trust.

I pray that I and we deepen in our capacity to accept all of what is,
at the individual and collective level.

Deep listening. Continually.
Being curious about what arises,
walking it, with self, within community, within social discourse, within relationships.

Being with what is,
embracing that.
Guided to offer my presence.

Trust in what is here and now.
Trust embodied.

I pray that we allow ourselves to taste life
in all its phases and faces, in freedom, curiosity, vulnerability.

Intension to build capacity to be in the present
with what is.

I leave with the prayer:
may the power of loving presence infuse everything possible!

Trust in being,
by being then becoming
more of our full selves.
Through our full selves,
imprinting that back onto the world.

The Sun of Life
expresses power and light.
I hope we allow ourselves to take that stance,
and leave our conditioning behind!


country, world, self.
The only thing left in the box
after Pandora let the evils out!

Hope is something I can control!
That feeling that comes with it…
I hope that I have the courage to accept whatever will be.
And that I have gratitude for all that is good in the world,
that I can be a channel of peace.

Who showed up

Daniela Tablado, Julia Hoffmann, Luea Ritter, Ursula Hillbrand, Ellen Decoodt, Aarti Kuber, Mary Elizabeth Mason, Brandon ‘Finegold’, Patricia Hunt Perry, Jenny Hegland, Judy Wallace, Cristiano Siri, Lynda Griebenow, Steve Ryman, Jane Bell, Louise Carpenter, Cheryl Hsu, Agota Ruzsa, Anna Brunain, An van Damme, Madeline Snow, Molly Whiteley, Wini Condic Begov, Pieter De Ceuninck, Aakanksha Singh, Brigitte Kupfer, Marie-José d’Aprile, Dounia Saeme, Sarah Whiteley, Helen Titchen Beeth.

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Invitation Page

Invitation to Practice

Collective Alchemy continues 18 December 2020

WHAT IS THE MOON ON WATER SHEDDING LIGHT ON, THAT IS CALLING FOR OUR COLLECTIVE CARE, ATTENTION AND EXPRESSION? WHAT HAS BEEN HERE ALL ALONG THAT WE HAVE NOT SEEN OR ACKNOWLEDGED, THAT WE ARE INVITED TO MAKE ROOM FOR IN OUR LIVES? Our 18th portal day finds us stepping beyond the dark wood and the light of a guiding star and communing with the numinous presence of The Moon on Water. We invite you

Read More »


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