Going back over the questions we’ve circled up around since we started
—reading through the invitations and announcements since the beginning.
Witnessing the beauty, complexity and depth of the journey we’ve been on together.
We’re noticing, perhaps, another principle emerging from our collective practice:
our baseline seems to be moving…
The last few waves have been very much about
Golden Silence and Togetherness.
Let us take that as our starting point, allowing the inner busyness to subside,
and perhaps even to actively home in on that still point
at the core of who we are,
which is also the stillness at the core of nature,
the space of the seamless interbeing of all life.
The heart, as the sensor of relationship,
is also silent, but rich and full
with a monumental intelligence and subtlety.
Sensing the bonds of affection between us,
acknowledging the privilege of sharing this space
of beauty, depth and truth.
Introducing the circle
Our announcement text is like a golden ladle,
skimming off the essence of our co-sensing tincture,
to draw us deeper into the energy field of our co-sensing wave:
“Our co-sensing touched on some recurring themes
that have emerged during our collective alchemising over time,
as if we are drilling down in spirals,
finding the echos of generative patterns at greater depth,
closer in to the core.
Things hidden in plain sight,
things we’ve always already known (and seem to keep forgetting).
When we fall through the looking glass,
what we find is our Selves.
Like stepping into a cathedral that has been derelict for millennia,
we receive a few drops of the tincture of our essential self
—that self that seems like a phantom
until the alchemy flips us into a recognition
that the realm where we have spent most of our lives
has rewarded us for forgetting who we really are.
Collective Alchemy is about dropping into the realm
where we are truly powerful, free, integrated and aligned.
Within our journey of inquiry into
what it means to be navigating the era shift together,
we have been drawn into different aspects of who we can be on the other side,
living in ever greater freedom, truth, integrity, presence and capacity
to be well with what is.
In this era shift, we are like plant cuttings growing roots.
The Collective Alchemy field is like the water
that invites and allows our dislocated selves to put forth new roots.
But it is the actions and choices we each make in our lives,
moment-to-moment, day to day,
that bring those roots into the soil we need
if we are to grow the way life truly intended:
as agents of constant transmutation,
moment by moment, shedding everything that is past and gone,
to be fully aligned in the present moment,
to embody and enact a naturally thriving world.”
AS I SETTLE INTO THE GOLDEN SILENCE OF OUR TOGETHERNESS WHERE ALL IS WELL,
WHAT CHOICES AND ACTIONS SPRING FROM MY DEEPEST NATURE TO INVITE ME INTO THAT THRIVING WORLD?
Our silence is so golden,
what sense in breaking it?
I always understand our time together
as a microcosmic filter to go outside
the field and see what is happening
with others with whom we don’t have the same bonds.
It’s much easier for me not to get triggered
in our space together,
but harder when I’m not with you.
There’s a choice to function from the heart,
not to take things personally.
Not to fall into the bad play that
nurtures our old habitual neural pathways.
It’s been a challenge to find a stable balance
because I keep encountering habits and behaviours
that aren’t really mine—but I can’t isolate myself when I choose.
It’s been an opportunity to work on those two practices:
not taking things personally
and functioning from the heart.
When I land in that stillness we find together
I want to stay there. Our time is too short.
I want to hold onto the insights and not let them go.
Another choice comes into view:
accepting that all things pass, in the cycle
from clarity to unclarity.
This, too, will change!
Salt water in my eyes.
In my silence I was with the cuttings:
It’s a powerful reality, as I’m surrounded by houseplants
and have a practice of cuttings to augment them.
Rescuing a sad spider plant:
give it some love!
It takes the time it takes
to discover what a plant needs
(that can be fatal!)
tender loving care, attention:
what gets attention grows.
Some cuttings don’t make it,
but it’s worth sitting with them.
Crazy plant lady!
Speaking of the realms:
why are they different realms,
why not just one?
It’s not integrated, is it?
Why do I feel whole, now
in this instant,
with this sadness, and with all the love that’s there?
And yet there’s another realm
where I might just as well not be there.
I try to get it, but it’s not to be gotten,
if you try to get it, you’ll go nuts.
Gut-wrenching experiences have kept me awake.
Include the emotion: that takes practice!
Don’t make a story, just let it be there…
It’s so hard!
It’s easier in this togetherness: it’s allowed.
I’m not sure if I’m making choices,
I’m consciously practicing.
You can’t force alchemy,
but you can be aware.
Messages come at the right time.
Sometimes it takes months to alchemise them.
I’m glad I can be sad.
My body has suffered from the repression.
I’m rooted in my core values, they can’t just be ripped out.
Some of the little leaves will take more time to grow.
It’s easy to focus on what’s not there,
but I’m grateful for the reciprocal love
I receive from the natural world.
The capacity to be with what is
It took me a long time
to be able to read the whole question.
My mind was playing word games.
Then I stopped, felt my heart beat
in my ears,
felt my breath slow down.
That allowed me to read and explore the question…
not yet the answer.
The word “deepest” evoked a sadness and a desire,
brought me to the song “a thousand years”:
heart beats fast, how can I be brave…
one step closer.
I noticed how I have started reading this text
as watching myself stand alone in strength,
coming closer to my self, one step every day.
A feeling of pride to share this,
a feeling of anxiety and fear
(as I sense I should be singing it…)
Pride was also keeping me away
from the answer to the question,
from the fear and anxiety
—my throat and my stomach contract.
What choices and actions do I take
in that moment of contraction and fear?
It calls me back to that image of myself
standing alone, in strength,
me watching myself.
Which is simple and hard.
Expressing this, I sense
a golden silence and togetherness
between me, here, now,
and my eternal self.
And it’s only the two of us.
There’s no you in there.
That’s my invitation to myself.
Ah, the ways in which life brings us
into an encounter with the eternal, multi-dimensional Self!
It is the core relationship that makes all others accessible.
I’ve been spending more and more time in the not-doing,
certainly I have withdrawn from today’s society.
I’m not playing any games in that realm anymore.
Not playing any roles —even the role of mother
I just want to be in that golden silence and togetherness with myself.
After so many years of looking,
seeking for my soulmate in the incarnated world
and being frustrated and disappointed,
I have finally discovered that all I was looking for
has been there all along.
Just rooting in the soil of my multi-dimensional Self
Any external thought form or old habit or piece of conditioning
is like a moth flying into the flame.
Amidst so many calls to action
to save the world,
stand up to dictatorship,
resist the creep of totalitarianism…
and all I have to do is BE:
my deepest core chooses.
Why would I do that? Why would I engage with that?
Why would I?
What’s the point of spending any time in hell?
It’s not mine to save.
Thinking that others need saving,
it seems to me like I’m blind to their sovereignty.
I prefer the choice to open up to each person as a sovereign being,
because that’s the only sort of love that is pure.
Everything else is conditioned,
even if I wish them well.
There’s a paradox in this true togetherness,
in the interdependent co-arising with the integrated aloneness
of this physical body
—its emotions, its thoughts, its awareness, its consciousness—
residing in the field of my multi-dimensional Self.
That multidimensional Self is a wordless knowing.
The choice I make is to reside in the truth of that.
The only actions that spring from that place
have been actions to tend to the body of the living environment
moment-by-moment, and otherwise just to be in rest,
in communion with the one I’ve been looking for all my life.
Which itself is embedded in the Greatest One,
as one of the many.
For the rest, it’s like walking along the frothy edge of the sea shore.
All the feelings and interactions that come and go,
the conditionings and the trauma responses,
they are the frothy edge.
And when when the water gets into your boots…
AAH! You know you’re alive!
Sharing an image arising from
the interdependent co-arising
from the integrated aloneness.
What occurred prior to that
(the 12 ants around the water drop)
being in place?
There must have been a set of conditions:
the ants were all thirsty…
There was a knowing
that that pattern creates a balance in the drop,
so the surface tension doesn’t release,
and the leaf is tipped so the drop falls away…
It’s essential, it’s practical.
“Drop of water on a leaf.
12 ants have gathered to drink.
They have divided into 4 groups to maintain
the balance of the water drop from tilting
and falling to the ground.
Amazing that ants cooperate and divide the share equally
to give everyone their right.
So what were the conditions? What was the signal?
Followed by the coming around,
all linking with the bubble at the same time
—if they don’t, it tips and the drop releases.
The action has some underlying symmetry.
The ants have some underlying awareness.
There is some sense that that’s the pattern that works here,
and yet it’s for practical reasons.
It’s not 10 or 11, it’s 12.
Because it’s been evolved, because that’s what works.
Is this scenario choice?
Or are there things, in that co-arising
—like the clarity of purpose and emergent self-organising in emergency—
that somehow come into place?
In that thriving world,
the words I was drawn to in the text were:
“as agents of constant transmutation
moment by moment,
shedding everything that is past and gone,
to be fully aligned in the present moment,
to embody and enact a naturally thriving world”….
For me, these days there are recurring themes
that I cannot shake out of my system,
however much I try to let go.
Some scenarios from my past:
are there lessons to be learned?
Is that template so essential for me as a being that I cannot negate it?
There are essential elements of our wellbeing;
to negate that, we compromise our ability to thrive.
There is something about the collaborative nature that’s essential.
We can’t do Collective Alchemy unless there’s a collective.
There are other levels in our collective nature—that multidimensional.
Our practice needs to be collective.
We don’t always have to be gathering around the drop real-time,
but there is some gathering around that larger orbit
that feels like a deeply embedded pattern that we all then drink from.
The release of the drop must have some impeccable timing too.
These past days have been heavy,
old stuff coming back that I thought I’d overcome.
Why? Feeling guilty and victim of these recurring patterns.
The harder I tried to be rid of them,
the more I became mired in them.
Hitting the bottom
allowed me to push off and spring back up.
I went to bed in the knowing that
today is the 41st anniversary of my father’s passing
and one month since the passing of my mystical cat.
Joy at emerging from the heaviness,
I decide to light a candle.
A change in perception is needed
in dealing with these recurring patterns.
What woke me up this morning
is the decision to invite myself
into my thriving.
It comes down to trusting myself, having faith.
The deeper we sink into ourselves
the more those patterns recur, to test us.
Resting in the faith
that the light always returns.
Hearing the bell,
the words that came:
I’m with the paradox of aloneness and togetherness.
During silence, eyes closed and rocked
into this very expansive golden space of togetherness.
I opened my eyes to see you all there,
feasted on your presence,
sampling a tincture of each one of you.
Something that my body seems to know how to do.
My vast planetary body can pick up subtle distinctions
of the essential nature of every being
and I was suddenly transported back into my childhood
where I spent a lot of time on my own.
I was never bored.
I was happy doing what I was doing,
flitting from one thing to another as I felt like it.
I realise that during all of my years of living on my own,
I would be like that child, flitting between things…
And when I was in relationship with others,
I would end up in busyness,
having to do things that the other valued,
not taking space for myself
and my preferred way of being.
Now I am living in a household with other people,
but not as a part of a couple.
In this small and intimate community
I take the freedom to live my childlike feeling
of doing what I like doing.
I guess I must be a person who’s designed
for aloneness more than for togetherness.
Simply because when I was in relationship,
I wasn’t living from my own impulses and appetite,
I was following the other person’s agenda
—and oftentimes it wasn’t even their appetite, it was their conditioning.
I ended up aspiring to someone else’s designer lifestyle.
Now I can see that the world where we can all thrive
is a world where we can just each continue
to be our childlike natural self and follow our appetites.
The childlike wonder and ability or freedom
to flit from this to that
What spoke to me
was the image of the cathedral with nature,
growing and thriving.
There is light coming through windows
that aren’t stained glass,
but something very confining
that’s been there most of my life.
I remember visiting cathedrals
whenever I was in Europe.
I’m aware of how the belief systems
that energised the construction of the European cathedrals
came across the Atlantic
to inform the life I’ve had;
the way my nature was suppressed,
to go by the rules to be accepted.
That is still here in many,
although I have shed that.
I love the image of nature thriving
as the old is disintegrating.
I want to learn from nature
how to do that,
to flit about in nature
like the child that I am.
At this time of year (fall)
I get homesick for my home close to Vermont,
with its three beautiful mountain ranges
that are aglow with golden leaves
at this time of year.
I came across a story this week
about a father who took his son
into a meadow surrounded by trees
in their autumn colours.
The wind blew the leaves into a dance,
calling the boy into the dance
until he was exhausted.
“You know daddy, when you are running,
you can’t tell what is real.”
Following the thread of the co-sensing,
there was a lot of talk about
the importance of being rather than doing.
The golden silence and stillness.
How do you get to that place where you can
When you’re running around, things don’t seem real.
One thing that child doesn’t have,
that I know I have,
is all around thought forms.
How I was programmed
to Go! Go! Do! Do!
Relaxing, just being,
was frowned upon.
The whole idea of just being
—be quiet, enjoy the silence and feel—
is something I work on.
I have to give myself permission
to not do, but just to be.
Even though I’ve been away
I haven’t missed a beat!
I’ve followed along with everything
that’s happened in this space.
Recently, I’ve been experiencing
the collapsing of that being-doing polarity.
When I do allow myself to be
in that space of “all is well”,
of deep listening through the body
and honouring the impulses that arise through me,
then I can be really busy doing
but the stillness and the silence are within.
Because the doing is in a natural flow,
so I’m being doing.
The duality/polarity collapses.
When my head gets involved,
I get thrown back into TIME
and all the pressures start.
Of having to get things done.
If I manage to drop back into my heart again
it shifts and the flow returns.
I get things done without the worry,
without the time pressure.
I’m inviting in ever more of that.
Moving away from planning,
demarcating time segments
and piling up the stress.
Really listening and honouring the impulse,
my to-do list arises from a different place:
it has the ring of beneficial truth,
not a weight round my neck.
When I trust that, when I follow the flow,
in the childlike flitting about,
things get done
with so much ease.
It’s such a different way of being—as an adult.
I’ve been getting glimpses of this ‘childlike’ glee
Reflecting on childlike being.
As an adult having been in a few relationships that didn’t work out,
To be who you really are
in the presence of what’s needed in the moment
is the easiest thing to do
because the other person is…
Some of my early experiences
of just being able to be with someone
without any words, any need to talk,
just being happy to be in the presence of someone else,
I truly believe that.
It could be a practice
to live in that way,
instead of building all the walls around us
to protect that childlike innocence
of being in the moment.
Such a heavy leaden weight,
the burden of all the tasks…
the moment’s gone!
The practice of this
is difficult to achieve
but worth the effort.
There’s a single house rule
in this little community where I live:
“Do only what you feel like doing”
That single rule has made this place into a paradise
where everybody takes responsibility for what has manifested
in its perfections and imperfections.
Putting down roots in this new place,
I’m going deeper into the new soil of myself.
Whatever flower is going to bloom
has its own time.
I love the word GLEE!
It’s elation—I’m blessed to feel that
I’ve been struggling tonight,
I struggle with this question.
I lost the grace, gratitude, acceptance
and could only feel anger.
Resisting the “where all is well”…
Writing down the words:
Anger… transmuted into Angel.
That softened things a lot.
Sensing and expressing
one feeling and emotion
can easily lead to another.
I long for kind warm older people to tell me a story,
trusting that I will be OK,
that all will be OK.
Springing up from my deepest nature,
that was the desire I felt.
didn’t make me happy.
I cannot remember ever having been an innocent child.
In many ways I enjoyed my childhood.
I also always sensed into what others needed,
without them saying it,
and I never did what I felt that others didn’t want me to do.
So I never felt “innocent”.
I am constantly attracted by the word “spring”.
It’s time to reveal my own spring.
An aspect coming in from another practice field.
The Purification Space,
the silent immersion focusing on What is Freedom?
Where freedom has to do with not being concerned
by the spectrum of constraint and unlimitedness.
There’s a time piece that’s attracting my attention.
Time freedom. A key piece of my deepest nature
is to do with that scale.
But with any field, there’s a rhythm, a sequence, basic principles.
I prefer to figure it out for myself.
There’s something about the range
from time constraints to time freedom.
In my most joyful moments, I have no concept of time.
The natural arising when it doesn’t matter what time it is!
The patterns of our childhood.
Future constraints might lead us back to the days without electricity.
We remember what it was like to be sitting by the fire with a candle
and a pack of cards.
I have a knowing of those moments
and wish to be in reunion with those early joys.
Inspired by a little girl in the coffee shop:
“I’ll have what she’s having!”
That sweet trust.
Who showed up:
Pieter Deceuninck, Marie-José d’Aprile, Wini Condic Begov, Georgios Kastrinos, Patricia Hunt Perry, Judy Wallace, Molly Whiteley, Lyn McDonell, Helen Scott, Sarah Whiteley, Helen Titchen Beeth