We begin our exploration with the image of the web.
What’s visible when we sprinkle water on the web between us?
The web becomes richer as the richness is revisited
—that revisiting is also a practice
that strengthens the web.
Bouncy castles and bungee ropes,
tensile threads becoming true matter.
The silence and slowing down are like the droplets
that make the web visible
—and those droplets are sometimes tears.
There is joy, willingness and comfort in connection,
and yet sometimes those droplets are shattered off immediately;
when there are high vibrations in the web
the whole becomes visible.
Is it always there?
The bottom of the web is home,
a place of rest, revitalising, resurgence,
exposing a deeper, more real web
underneath the more ephemeral one
that is more commonly acknowledged and noticed.
The water illuminates the REAL web,
where transformation, individual and collective, becomes visible.
Delicacy held in strength.
Intense light. prismatic droplets. strong transformations
the web as a star coming to life — frequency felt, seen.
A revealing of commonality,
the web is the fabric of life, omnipresent.
water wisdom droplets helped me see the other
as me in the reflection held by the web.
Always that sense of holding
constructing and apprehending the world with the web
and new spinning.
Vibrational movement and yet steady,
holding frequencies of our circle and the collective
World in formation … throwing a strand into another space
—these calls are that: cosmic impulse, ignition …
seeing what’s there and the connections.
Feeling the tremors … starburst of white gold
…new field, a new frequency being created
I am part of the web,
I hold the web and I am being held by it.
Thus we make visible the individual and collective
weaving in motion as we practice Collective Alchemy.
The nexus at the centre and the anchor points at the rim
hold the matrix steady.
An image of the web of connection came in strongly during the co-sensing
along with awarenesses around its strength,
capacity to bear tension
and carry vibration, as well as be broken.
“Alchemy is a higher form of magic
that also incorporates the study of substances
and their interactions with each other…”
Are we those substances?
Through interactions, is there a better chance for transformation?
The gifts of truth, honesty and integrity;
of keeping things close and listening to the body
bring some stability within the motion of creative chaos
and the question arises:
HOW ARE WE HOLDING OURSELVES TOGETHER, INDIVIDUALLY AND IN RELATIONSHIP AND TOGETHERNESS,
AS THE NATURE OF REALITY ON EARTH CHANGES?
Spreading out my tentacles,
closing in in other places,
it is tactfulness and strategy
emerging from deep realms of knowing
in the unconscious/underground/ancient/
almost more reptilian ways
learning to observe and accept
the being in the unknown.
Transparency, resilience, refuge and reflection.
Unfamiliarity is coupled with the welcoming regardless.
Collective Alchemy as a sanctuary,
a place of togetherness and connection
—no need for intimate personal relations;
we know each other through the virtual windows.
We share a bond through common purpose:
trust the practice!
Thus do we trust each other.
When our reality is turned upside-down,
there’s a need to find meaning;
a screen populated with souls
who believe in the power of the practice.
My trust in my own practice
within Collective Alchemy
lead to the following:
I connect to the centre of the web.
I speak from the centre of the web.
A hero’s journey
weaving back and forth
between the centre and the edges.
Returning to the centre,
we recharge the centre and ourselves.
This is what we are doing.
Sometimes I’m on a quest alone,
and feeling support along the way
from the centre to the edge and back again.
Even when we start together
There is a strong sense that there is a task
that is mine and mine only.
It is in committing to my task
that I really test
on the edge.
In resisting that task,
I feel myself crumbling,
my capacities diminishing.
We are all together,
each in our own task.
Each with our own individual alchemy,
together in the collective.
This notion of holding myself together
depends on which self I’m talking about.
That discursive, storied self that has an identity
— a persona—
is constantly falling apart these days.
I speak of the ‘ever-shifting assemblage point’;
I have an image of pulling the plug in a basin of water.
Everything swirls down the drain.
Then you reverse the process and it all comes back again.
This constant dissolving and reassembling and dissolving and reassembling.
At that level, I recognise there is no such thing as a self,
and no point in trying to ‘keep it together’.
The same thing goes for everybody I encounter;
I have no real interest in keeping together with the narratives
and the storied selves of other beings.
As the world is changing,
I have a sense that humans are learning, the hard way,
to relate and be together in a very different way,
from the much vaster, and also much more primal,
natural self which has no beginning and no end,
no thought and no language,
but infinite subtlety, receptivity, generative power;
a nature which is constantly moving but never changing.
And that it is we together who are sustaining and provoking
this change which is happening in our physical world.
And alchemy is all about transmutation
of the temporal within the eternal.
I’m reminded of Professor Dumbledore’s phoenix, Fawkes,
who has burning days, when he looks dreadful
and then incinerates.
And I see us all in a circle, being phoenixes:
all with different burning days.
Some days we’re in good shape and some days it’s a burning day:
We show up feeling dreadful and we just incinerate.
And because we know this of each other,
we hold the circle and each other in this
as the nature of life
—without panic, without crisis,
but with love and deep compassion
because we share that nature.
Having contracted the virus,
“it’s the flu, I’ll do what I know.”
Things got worse,
refusing the new treatment,
trusting my body in life and death.
Am I just playing hero here?
Experiencing the breath,
what it does to your whole system
How are we holding ourselves together?
By letting myself fall into the deepest depth,
not trying to hold on.
At first, I thought I could die,
Letting go led to a place where I felt:
I am held together
by something so much deeper.
How our world has been searching
for ever smaller particles:
but there’s only interaction
all the way down.
I’m still in the process of recovery,
I am so much closer to what’s mine to do
and what’s not.
It’s easier to let go
of what and who
is not mine to be with.
Dying to parts of myself,
being part of a bigger rebirthing together.
Brooke McNamara’s poem:
Let the weight you run from every day
now draw you down.
Later there will be time to tend
to everything left undone.
into your own bones
lying horizontal on this ground.
into your dark corners.
Come into this
under all the layers.
Come where all your losses
Be drawn deeper down
into the salt tide of tears.
Let grief wash you,
then drown you
beyond the name
you first were given,
when you reached to touch
your own mother’s face for the very first time,
and she smiled her light down into you.
Now reach those same fingers
for the face of infinity —
so that, opening your eyes,
you will know
the one dreaming you
is pleased with you,
that everything seen
is your self,
and that now is the time
to rise wholehearted into the work
aching to be animated
by precisely you.
Sitting in a circle of women the other day.
A reading of the cards showed us:
it is ours to fall, now,
not into the back hole
but into the web holding us.
Sitting with a feeling of sadness:
the world in big change,
and a deeper serenity,
being held by something,
being present, in peace.
A warm way of holding
ourselves and each other together;
the sadness and the peace
A pulse emanating from the central point
—radiant, explosive, beacon-like—
A bright, luminous transmission:
A stone skimming right across the web.
There is a vastness to that web.
The falling back into,
the leaning into,
the being held by
the web nature
(the vibration is increasing as I speak)
“we were made for these times.”
Each of us
in our presence on the planet,
and our attraction to different people,
places on the earth
and practice fields.
The nature of reality,
through the waves that are in motion globally,
we are weaving the expression and animation of
Collective Alchemy as a practice field,
as we are woven and threaded by it.
Alchemy and Collective Alchemy
is a life phenomenon
whose signature is toward
Anything that is off the pristine alignment of that
is being burned away.
within our interactions here,
within every other domain.
So the attractor field of Collective Alchemy
has also become visible for these times.
In that reality
there is gravity
and also graveness:
the necessity to be true
in our choices
and our expression.
And that is what we are saying yes to,
we will be held in that movement
Whatever cannot hold its ground
will be bounced out of the field.
Falling and being held.
Sometimes I don’t hold myself together.
I don’t want to, and I can’t.
All that’s left is to allow myself to be held.
Showing up to this circle
is allowing myself to be held.
I don’t have to do it all by myself.
When I come here I am reminded
that I am held
whether I know it or not.
I am happy to offer silence…..
and the sense of silence
supporting holding myself together in each moment
as well as being a space where
I can see and feel others more clearly
and the connections between us
Palpable discomfort in the bodies
—mine and others around.
Conversations about food,
negotiating, reworking boundaries.
A strengthening of my capacity
to live in the in-between-ness,
oscillating between the ends and the centre
without being thrown entirely off the spectrum.
Almost stalking that space of emergence.
I feel held in this circle,
so I can literally let go
Part of how we’re holding ourselves together,
is by recognising the gift that we each are.
Many worlds at the same time.
Some resonate and cohere, some clash;
some are weaving, some are dying.
Within that web of life
are held unlimited possibilities
that we have yet to imagine or see.
I sense both the light and the dark there,
and need to hold both,
and hold myself in our relationship and togetherness.
Emergence in every moment,
and yet no time or space.
Being ever more truly myself, ourselves
is what holds myself/ourselves together.
On a deeply embodied level:
it’s a felt sense that all is well.
Where does that felt sense come from?
It comes from knowing myself as part of the web
as I sense that through the body.
The body has the feelers out
sensing the vibrations
at that level that is deeply embodied
as part of nature.
That allows me to hold myself together
and be in relationship with others
even when it’s challenging.
An underlying stability.
One of my most core ways of holding myself together
—to the extent that I am—
is by extricating myself
from the sticky web of enslavement
to social conditioning, to consumer habits,
to social ways of being that do harm.
Pulling myself out of a shared dream
and so the deepest sense of togetherness…
that field numerically shrinks extremely!
Where did everyone go?!
As I open up my tentacular sensing, my feelers
—they are like feeding feelers really; they’re energetic, non-physical
and they feed off intimacy.
It’s not parasitic, it’s symbiotic
and what responds most immediately and unconditionally
is the living world, not the human world.
Even the air, the ether;
and my own body responds intimately… to me!
And the natural world that I’m embedded in,
which literally feeds me and receives my poop
it offers a continuity in its ever changing nature:
it’s always changing and yet it’s there,
as my own assemblage point of identity
keeps unravelling and reconstituting, again and again.
I notice that there’s a limited number of people who can tolerate me
on my burning days,
as a phoenix disintegrating into ashes and being reborn in unpredictable ways.
but there’s just this feeling of aliveness and directness and immediacy
that is so new and deeply familiar;
ages old from forever.
Being really alive.
Not numbed out.
Every moment is a miracle!
I want to hold everything
I’m extending and expanding my ability to do that.
That word “assemblage”,
I feel I’m rearranging myself,
it’s building to a peak.
Recognising the changing movement
and going with it.
Routine, wonder, lineage,
patience, trust, appreciation.
My routine has rhythm to it;
I am seeing the world in more wondrous terms;
seeing and feeling those cedars:
Lineage: no clan, but feeling the presence through old photographs.
Lineage to the stars—feeling it.
Patience and trust: waiting.
I’m kinder than I was.
You’ve been part of the changes.
Holding myself together
by letting go even more.
Holding becomes more like
enjoying the experience of the moment,
be it nature or people.
The letting go is happening in parallel:
the ongoing practice of having no control
Every day is becoming a multi-layered timeline
from sunrise to sunset.
Honouring the new day,
Honouring the ending of the day,
by feeling gratitude
is letting go of the day.
This resonates with relationships with others:
when I cannot hold a situation
—what is my part in this?—
sitting with things, feeling it through the body,
rippling into my heart space.
Different time lines with different people,
holding them while honouring them
holding themselves together.
Dancing and stepping back
when the other needs to be with their complexity.
Knowing that the web is connecting us all,
and going through the emotions
related to deception and loss.
The subtlety of holding together;
more gentleness coming up.
Such a great teacher!
Magic and mystery in allowing
something to melt within,
seeing it and holding it together
as it expresses.
Symbiosis of being held,
effortlessly reflecting the inner knowing
that shows me beauty,
tapping into the dance within.
The strength, the drop, the heat, the cold,
the stories of disconnection…
Holding starts to feel tangible.
Gentleness in the centre,
being fed into the web.
What to say? What not?
A split in myself:
all of my words about myself
were in a different hand.
My hand refused to write words
about the collective and togetherness.
I can barely speak those words.
Reaching for the centre of the web,
I felt tension in my heart.
Moving forward and backward
impacts my feeling and my sensing.
The move between me and the collective.
I know that word, but I cannot reach the translation.
I sense that my sadness and grief
is related to this word.
I am with the discomfort
between the heart and solar plexus.
“Not numbed out”
brought forth anger and aggression.
What part of me no longer wants to be numbed out?
My initial reaction was deep and heartfelt joy:
yes, I am holding myself together!
Holding the different parts of me together in my hand;
Embodying these pieces in one body,
I can feel what’s been shared,
the arc of today,
of the co-sensing,
of the hang out…
I can feel it moving within me
as a wave, an oscillation.
I had the sense of minute shards of coloured glass,
a harlequin kaleidoscope
throughout my body.
If one shifts its angle even slightly
the whole pattern of my body,
my energy field
tips and transforms.
The wonderment of that!
As if the light has shone through the veil
to bring that forward.
Who showed up:
Charlie Derr, Brigitte Kupfer, Wini Condic Begov, Neha Chaturvedi, Anna Brunain, Simon Luyts, Maya Abou Chedid, Lyn McDonall, Judy Wallace, Louise Carpenter, Molly Whiteley, Ursula Hillbrand, Pieter Deceuninck, Sarah Whiteley, Helen Titchen Beeth